8/14/2025 - Im 22

Damn im actually feeling old as hell now. Had my birthday a few days ago and as usual went through my existential meltdown of losing my childhood and watching my reflection slowly fade as I recognize myself less everyday in the mirror. I still feel like the same 17 year old moron that I was 5 years ago despite gaining more experience of the world.

But honestly, things are better. Getting my work review done soon and have been absolutely killing it. Over a 200% increase of workload compared to last year, so gonna ask for a substantial raise for sure. Got some other things in my head ive gotta get sorted as im losing grip on the bit of sanity that I still have but despite that I feel like my ability to become anxious has lessened even more. Not sure if its a numbness or just spending more time out in the real world but the perception that other people have on me just does not affect me at all nor do I ever think about it.

Really need to workout again tho, been slacking HELLA hard. Need to get back to my PPL split and feel good about myself again because recently been feeling really terrible honestly and watching my health statistics worse on my health app is pretty motivating to get back into it.

Been on ADHD meds for 6 months now and wow man. Ive accomplished so much and have finally been able to accomplish goals. Before hand it just felt like I had so many ideas and so many things to say but there was just a brick wall in my brain of static that prevented any motor function. Feels great to be productive.

Lifes moving quick and I need to be quicker. accomplish more, set more goals, be a better human, and be myself as much as possible. Its easy for my to get trapped in my head EXTREMELY fast, one negative thought and i will shut down for hours. Feels like a cage I just cant escape and nothing helps. Its why i try to stay over optimistic and keep all negative shit away from me because it just encourages my own negative thoughts.

im tired and going back to work